What I Miss

• I miss my naivete the place I was at 4 and even 15 where I believed all people were good, nice, kind and looked out for each other but I have found at almost 40 the honesty whether they want to hear it or not and it is actually refreshing.
• I miss old friend who took me with the bad and the good, people who liked me for who I was or so I believed...but you know what I have found a safe place amongst people new and old who are really genuinely and truly happy for each other.
• I miss sleep and just actually sitting, breathing with a still mind...instead I have found the joy that is boys the noise, the dodging, the weaving, the messy sticky hugs and kisses when they mean it not when I want it.
• I miss the philosophical conversations with old friends who knew me without explanation, the bad and the good...I have discovered the world of why, I look for the answers beside a four year old, I have found my books to answer my own questions and expand my mind...the conversations wll come again in the quiet of the night when children are sleeping and not interupted with head butts, makeshift missiles which though never aimed at me always come in my direction and the constant call of Moooooom.
• I miss that place in my head that all was numb, fuzzy and forgotten, the place where I could just be and do and not think...in its place I have found a clear place a scary place because you are forced to feel the scars remember them that are starting to heal and in them I find lessons and move on
• I miss the writing the high when everything comes spilling out and has found its place on paper, the feeling of release, the weight lifting, knowing its out there and not in the fullness of my head... and in its place I have found nothing, I have found myself slowly following the old paths of my youth that is not where I am going that is not where I am meant to be....I am back.