Midsommar Blues

This weekend was Midsommar which is a beautiful drunken festival celebrating the longest day of the year...it was also Carp's and my 12th Anniversary. I am going to a midsommar party next weekend thank god or I would be facing some serious withdrawl. At Midsommar you dance around a maypole singing a song about frogs, you pick flowers, you consume obscene amounts of alcohol including snaps which isn't anything like peach schnaps, you play games you sing songs and you eat from a table laden with foods like ham, swedish meatballs, lots of herring, shrimp and rice... a beautiful traditional smorgasbord. It is a magical time ... ok maybe it is the booze talking but it was a time when memories were made...I wrote a speech at my parents midsomar party two yeas ago which was their last at their soon to be old house here it is.

"This week I got my order from Amazon.com. I had had a bad day and each song put me in a better and better mood who the hell needs wine I found it surprising that as I put each CD in I was transported back to midommar parties of my past. I remembered midsommar on Francis street where the maypole was placed in the backyard after someone thought we were going to burn it standing up for our race. I remember every year I wanted to wear a specific dress it was cream and had patches on it, with my ruffled underwear. Those were the days of Sigge, Gundel, Claus, Sten o Flisa the gang Maud jumping in the sack and revealing more than she wanted. I remember the dart board with the pictures from dirty magazines that people would throw darts at to find out who was on their team. Those were the days of Ring Ring, People need Love, Hasta Manana, Waterloo, Dancing Queen, Fernando.....Good times were had by all I would eventually fall asleep to raucous laughter and the continuous skoaling and Helan Gor. Then as we kids got older we eventually moved up to the cemetary, I remember the mosquito inn and the arrows to pee in the grass. The games got crazier and the alcohol flowed as did the singing and hugs. These were the days of Thank-you for the Music, I have a Dream which notably Denise and I were going to sing on a float in the Santa Claus parade, and then came Voulez Vous which my dad bought for me in Sweden before it hit stores in Canada. Then came Super Trouper...The Way Old Friends Do which I believe is the gangs unofficial Theme song and the song which played on the most important Midsommar, in my book, 10 years ago our wedding day.
Our midsommars on Louisa I must say I believe were the most legendary...remarkable really when you think of the ages that all got together those were the days of Sarah and the boys, miscellaneous friends, and the odd stray mom felt sorry for, Mr Menzies, Mr Cathmoir always Oma who needs an old farmer when you have us eh Oma (Wen braucht en alter bauer wenn dich habe uns.) There we survived danceoffs between mamma and Johan, skinny dips at the neighbours and at the beach, guests picked up at the post office, dancing barefoot in the streets and on that wrap around porch. We have seen significant others come and go with the 2nd generation of the gang and then we have seen some who have met the craziness and survived and stayed...Thank-you Carp.
Then we have come to this beautiful spot on the hill with the addition of Faster Bojan, the Carpenters, the Thompsons Pat and Gord, Anders and Birgitta now and again, Nime and his coordination bar none, Mary and Bill, Mr. Cathmoir who sadly has a further distance to go. The youngest generation has grown substantially, the games have been cut back because of the danger factor and dad just admit it you are getting a little older, and the nights seem to be getting shorter and shorter each year. Some members are very missed, Faster Bojan what an inpiration, Mr Menzies has My Bonny ever sounded so good, Mr Cathmoir forever the gentleman and Madison Brown Girl in the ring, Gundel the original swede. There are many things that haven't changed it is a magical night filled with singing, Dancing, ABBA, Boney M etc, always an unpredictable night, the Midsommar stang however droopy, the song sheets however stained and tattered, Peter and Nime's unique game play, the awe inspiring food, the I Know I should not drink it but still do Snaps and the eclectic group of people and the fact that after thirty years mamma and pappa you still know how to throw a party. So I would now like to raise my glass to mamma and Pappa for thirty years of craziness and magic and to Brian for making midsommar even more special Happy Anniversary."

Another reason Why I am a content mother of boys

Thanks Kelly over at http://www.donmillsdiva.blogspot.com/ for this one... The picture says it all, High heels for babies. Why am I glad I am the mother of 3 amazing boys at this very moment I don't have to deal with idiotic products like these.

The Fenelius Grandkids

Axel 5, Andrew 6, David 4, Erik 9 months and Hanna 3 in mamma's garden.

My life's soundtrack

If you ever had a soundtrack what would it be well if it was today ...it would go something like this....

The Way old Friends Do ABBA This would be my anthem the song I walked down the aisle to... the song I want played at my funeral
Så Skimmrande vär aldrig havet Marie Fredriksson the most beautiful song old Evert Taube classic describing your first kiss takes me back to singing Evert Taube visor with mamma at the piano
What A Wonderful World Louis Armstrong
Peace Train Dolly Parton and Ladysmith Black Mambaza a beautiful version ...surprisingly
The Unicorn Irish Rovers
123 Like a Bird I see Tim McGraw Andrew David singing this version is much better
Glory Days Bruce Springsteen
Big League Tom Cochrane takes me back Falcons Rule
All Summer Long Kid Rock wow parts of this were written for us in the 80's hmmm was he at the den...
Öppna Landskap Ulf Lundell The unofficial Swedish National Anthem describing all the best parts of each part of Sweden god it makes me home sick
My town Montgomery Gentry
I'm a Bitch Alanis Morisette
Dark Horse Amanda Marshall personal it wasn't a good place but lessons learned
Why Tracy Chapman Kpalime buying black Market tapes wtih Gudrun and David
Wish you were here Pink Floyd Steve Chern, Tony, 9 11
Pink Cadillac...Bruce Springsteen Kuma Dunyo Kokou singing to me Caroline instead of Pink Cadillac
We didn't start the fire Billy Joel listen to the words that takes talent
Did you ever love a woman Bryan Adams
Brown eyed Girl Van Morrison
7 day Fool Jully Black makes me laugh as I clean
Good Mother Jann Arden
Not ready to Play nice Dixie Chicks gotta love honesty
I didn't want to need you Heart this one is personal Sweden 1989 Carp
Serena Ryder the Winter Waltz The absolute most haunting love song ever
Friends in low places Garth Brooks Marty Graw good friends who are still here
Strawberry Wine Deanna Carter

not hard to tell its summer time...

Bet you're trying for a girl...

I will admit each pregnancy I thought I was having girls...Andrew as I said before was Maja, David was Annika and Erik was Elise. I do not feel robbed because I do not have a daughter, I do not feel I am or will miss out on anything because I d not have a daughter, I do not feel secretly incomplete because my brood is void of estrogen. I feel that there are certain strong women who are put on this earth to raise good strong boys who will make good strong partners in their later relationships. I believe that out there is a girl I will later on in life have a unique and amazing relationship with just like I have been honoured and blessed with in my relationships with my aunt Gittan a mother of 4 boys and my there are no words for it relationship that I have with my friend Sarah another mother of 4 boys. I know my relationship with my two neices and possibly with the daughters of my future brother in law Richard will be unique and special and allow me to escape from my testosterone encompassed lair. And to those individuals who meet me in the stores, the post office, my work and feel it is okay to push their pity on me in front of my boys with your comments... "you poor girl with all these boys" ( poor girl...I get to get down and dirty, catch frogs, balls anything you throw at me, build things out of LEGO, blocks, sticks you name it and I get covered in messy sticky, muddy kisses every chance I get...poor girl my ass) "so are you going to try again for a girl..." ( all I can say are you INSANE), "you will miss having a daughter when you get older they take care of you like nobody else" (come visit me at the senior's home....I guess I will miss out on the huge bouquets of flowers, treats snuck in, my sons feeding me chips in bed, holding vigil as I lay dying, taking me out for a drive, yeah that's too bad...sons don't do a damn thing). Yeah to all those people ... do I need to say it.... you can kiss my truck bumped, lizard kissed, insect squished, sticky, loud, messy, busy, muddy baby blue covered fanny.

Darian and Hanna

I have the honor and blessing of being an aunt to the 2 most stubborn, amazing, girls Hanna and Darian. My brother's daughter Hanna has red hair and is the funniest little person and is a mother hen to my boys especially David. Darian is in between Andrew and David in age and is my brother in law Duane's daughter. I am a mother of boys but with that comes the need to pass on your words of wisdom and advice to some special girl. I am so lucky that I will have a special relationship with my neices that no one else will have. My thing is letters, my cousins Krister and Jan have daughter's Mikaela and Moa and after both of them visited a few years ago on separate occssions I wrote them letter's in my bad Swedish spelling with my words of wisdom...they were teenagers at the time and now I await to give Hanna and Darian their letters. Today I share them with you...

There are a few things about life that I have learned and I would like to share them with you today.
· Firstly family is the most important thing you have ...when one is little, when you are a teenager, even when you are a thirty year old woman and even if they are a pain in the ass sometimes.
· Keep and cherish some real great girlfriends you don’t need a whole pile you need someone to stand up to you and call you on your shit, someone who has known you forever, someone you can call at 3:00 in the morning for anything, someone who will pat your back when you need it and someone who will pull you down onto the ground when your head gets to high up in the clouds, someone who can make you laugh and forget about your own crisis even if its for just a little while they are all important they can be one and the same or 3 or 4.
· Boys: Know that you are important and never let anyone tell or treat you any different. Never be afraid to stick up for yourself or say what you think, stay true to yourself, don’t change for anyone in the end it won’t work
· Remember that sometimes all you gotta do is shut up and listen.
· Sadness is good sometimes it teaches us how to appreciate the joy in life.
· Relationships are work and constantly changing.
· No one will stand up for you if you don’t stand up for yourself.
· You will need to have your heartbroken a few times to know what love really feels like.
· Take care of yourself and love yourself.
· Take a chance sometime in life do something totally different and do it yourself.
· You can feel sorry for yourself once in a while but know there are many people worse off than you.
· There is time for work and time for play.
· Don’t ever forget where you came from but never let it decide our path.
· Read, read, read, about everything and never be afraid to ask questions.
· Never be afraid to try something new even if it means changing your toilet.
· Don’t forget to sometimes stop, breathe and take it all in.
· Never be ashamed about your decisions in life good or bad they are a learning experience.
· Try all kinds of jobs and be open to learning form them and respect the people that do them for life, I have flagged, worked in a factory, put in phone lines, worked as a PSW, worked as a manager in an office, I have worked in stores, in a library, as a waitress, in a women’s shelter, I learned lessons from each one of my jobs and I have the utmost respect the people that do these jobs for a living

-Take responsibility for your actions and mistakes, learn from them and move on.

- Bad things happen to good people all the time...if something bad happens to you don't dwell in it and don't keep using it as a crutch for bad behaviour

-remember you always have a choice even if it is as simple as gtting out of bed in the morning
· You can rely on others but the one you rely on the most is yourself.
· You cannot be all things to all people.
· You will never be good at everything.
· Love and respect your parents.
· Love and respect your siblings there may come a day what you only have each other.
· You will always have a home in my house and no matter what you do who you become I will always love you.
· The most important Tjejer är bäst. Learned from Kalle my uncle in Sweden. Girls are the best.

We were in a little piece of heaven on the weekend...called Burnt River

There is a little place called Burnt River and there is a small little cottage... there with no phone no electricity it has a pump...it is absolute heaven...the mosquitoes may drive you crazy some days but that is what bug spray and fires are for...can't wait to go back

My how they grow....

From this....

....to this

Wordless Wednesday....

He ain't heavy he's my brother....David and Erik.

What did you do today????

3:40 Andrew cried out, afraid of the dark, had a nightmare, details are fuzzy... just put my head on the pillow David is crying his legs hurt run back upstairs stumble into kitchen grab medicine hopefully give him correct amount

5:00 Erik called for his bottle grab heavy glass bottle out of fridge heat up, pee while heating up bottle get diaper grab bottle make sure lid in is on properly, grab baby sit on couch feed put baby to bed stumble back downstairs just pass out Carp's alarm goes off he turns on light fumbes looking for clothes note to self invent glow in the dark underwear or stick some of Andrews glow in the dark stickers on Daddy's work clothes

6:15 awesome dream disturbed I was alone in the desert in a tub with bubbles no rescue heroes sticking up my ass ABBA is playing...why is my face wet ... something is licking my face...quit licking my face...wake up to huge tongue and head of Maximus no god damn Maximus

6:30 go into bathroom struggle to open eyes and wash slobber off my face boys are watching TV baby wakes up yelling to be removed from crib, get baby put him on floor get on computer write, read pull myself out of my dozy state

7:00 do dishes from night before, ask my patrons what they want for breakfast, ,ake three different breakfasts, sometimes remember to feed the dog, trip over cat remember to feed the cat who I cannot remember feeding the day before, serve breakfast feed baby, talk to mom while feeding baby, wipe umpteen noses, change diapers

7:30 keep at dishes, feeding, look for clothes for kids, dress kids, make Andrew lunch if its a school day answer umpteen questions When are we playing soccer? Are we going to school today? Can we go to playgroup? What is Erik putting in his mouth? Is Max supposed to eat that shoe? Where is my special bag? Is it going to be cold? Do we need sunscreen? Do I have to wear a hat? Is daddy at work? Why does he have to work? When is he coming home? Can we go to Reuben's/Garrett's/ Coulson's/ Grandma's Charlies today? Can we go to Marineland? Can we stay in a hotel tonight? Can I watch my show? Can we live in a bigger house? Where do ants come from? Why are they in the bathroom? Mamma why are there cobwebs on the ceiling? Can we go watch Indiana Jones? When? Can I get the Indiana Jones Lego? ....struggle to keep my sanity, throw some yoghourt into me, if I am lucky throw a brush through my hair and put my clothes on the right way hopefully without spots, hunt for socks, important bag etc remember dog hasn't been out to pee adn that is possibly why he is following me all around the house, let dog out let cat out after tripping over her once again...

8:30 out the door into car with the crew if it is a school day, drop Andrew David off, Erik falls asleep, put him in crib, when we get home cat naps eat and "sit" "watch" Racheal Ray think holy shit my house is a disaster, spend most of the day cleaning tidying up scrambling to make it look that I at least made some kind of effort to clean, escape to the computer every once in a while, come up with something for dinner that is healthy and will be enjoyed by most of them,

12:15 lunch is something I can throw together and the baby can enjoy, and that follows within the guidelines for Weight Watchers core program, baby naps or cat naps at some point in the afternoon, laundry, curse at laundry, dream that there was a laundry and dish fairy, grocery shop, run errands which will only take a few minutes in Carps words, hopefiully fit in some form of walk with the stroller and dog,

5:00 pick up kids, sometimes eat and get ready for their soccer or babseball/teeball, off we go with everyone in tow, home bath

7:45 aim for a bath bed for the boys baby gets a bottle after and put into bed

8:30 look at dishes curse, sit watch tv, zone out go on computer, think about snacking try not to snack, think maybe I will get more done tommorrow Carp is at home at some point in the evening sometimes 5:00 sometimes 6:30 sometimes 7:30 who knows

10:30 bottles ready for morning, sometimes look at dishes...think again maybe I will get more done tommorrow, begin to panic think what the hell am I going to do when I go back to work, look in at the kids think god they are cute when they are sleeping, its not so bad, go to bed, read, just fall asleep, get up when someone cries out go in comfort them, stumble back in bed curse as I realize Garbage isn't covered yell out in the dark to the humongous attack raccoon, hiss at dog to not bark, finally go back to bed try to get comfortable, fall asleep

and the question always is what did you do today ...oh not much

The week of the dragon

What is it about birthday party's? First we had a theme...knights and we flew with it. The cake was going to be a castle...we were going to make shields out of cardboard that the boys would decorate themselves...there would be a dragon...a dragon that would be easy some chicken wire, some cardboard, wine bottles for eyes, lots of newspaper some wallpaper paste it would be a great creative project for me and the boys. I am not totally new to papier mache...I went to Seneca for window design and then saw the absolute elite of creativity knitting mittens out of steel wool for a project, another that opened and played Christmas carols as you paged through the assignment ...yeah I know a little over the top but they had what it took for the Eaton Centre, York Mills, Holt Renfrew or the Toronto Santa Claus Parade and that was not where I wanted my journey to go. Now papier mache there was a something I was allowed to be messy and creative and build. Now creating a dragon head with my boys the critics were more at my level and if it didn't turn out quite right I could always blame that part on the boys. Off I went to the local Co-op for chicken wire they asked what kind I said in my most technical chicken coop building language "the bendiest please" and as Erik sat on the floor amongst the corn, seed, gardeningstuff, the man looked at me a little perplexed and I said "I am building a dragon. " "Well we only have it in rolls of 20 feet" I said "Well its a big ass dragon." So there we went I found a box, wire cutters and wine bottles at my parents, seeing as they are the only ones drinking the stuff...seriously I have an allergy to alcohol. I got home and started to mold the form...David got a few scratches from the chicken wire and Andrew kept yelling is it done yet as he rode by on his bike. Next we had to figure out how we were going to hold the head up an old mop handle...it was a green project to boot reduce ( well maybe not that) reuse definitely...recycle yes sir. The next day there was sun the boys were in school baby napping Mp3 player ready to go so I stuck the head in a pipe in the ground (Don't ask) and I went to town slapping on the newspaper. It began to take form, I dragged him inside after he dried a bit because he was supposed to rain, the next day David "helped' me paint the base coat a lovely turquoise of mistint paint he was stark naked because apparently that is how we paint around here after he dried we dragged him to my mom's so he could be painted in the garage in the rain. I used the paint from all the rooms we have painted I cut the sponges in the forms of scales and called Reuben, Andrew's friend and they "sponged" a marble concoction onto the dragon's head, they had gold, yellow, brown, green, blue and turquoise. It was more of a belting and smooshing than a tapping of the sponge and it was more haphazard than I had intended with no resemblance to dragon's scales whatsoever but in the end as the kids slayed the dragon with dollar store swords narrowly missing each others bodies as I thought maybe I should have gotten the parents to sign a waiver...I looked at Andrew's face with a big grin and as I put him to bed I asked him what the best part of the day was ...I thought the magician, the present's, the cake he looked at me sleepily and he said the dragon. That is what it is all about...isn't it.

Blessed

As I look at Erik stuffy nose and all sleeping peacefully in his bed and hear Andrew and David arguing over who set up what...I know how lucky I am. I don't live in Myanmar living in fear waiting for aid to come in so my family can eat, knowing that those in my family who did not make it will not get the burial they deserve. I don't live in China where I believed my children would be safe in school when I sent them off in the morning until an earthquake hit. I don't live in Oklahoma where I await to see if another Tornado will hit and I can't find a place to hide my family. I live in a little town, with a roof over my head, my family has full bellies and are healthy, my husband is coming home tonight...I am truly blessed.

Flashback Friday ...what 6 years isn't a flashback

Seeing that this is the week that Andrew was born and that Sunday is mother's day...I have chosen a picture of two amazing mother's and Andrew. My mother in law Jean is a mother of 4 amazing kids her and Ivan have been married ....a helluva long time they married when she was 19 ...she had Robbie when she was 20 or 21, I believe. Jean is a hardworking woman who when it comes to her own family is a momma bear and don't you dare say anything bad about any of them. She is one of the most most stubborn people and when Jean thinks she is right watch out. She is an incredible grandmother and doesn't just sit and watch her grandkids but is right in there playing with them. The best rule I ever came up with that has saved alot of arguments and hurt feelings is Grandma's house grandma's rules and believe me they hold me to it if I try to object to that extra cookie or treat. Now my mamma Helene is called Elmo. In Sweden your mother's mother is Mormor and your father's mother is Farmor, Andrew as a little boy started off with Momo then it became Elmo and it stuck. Nobody gives better hugs then Elmo, nobody bakes or cooks like Elmo either, all my boys have been serenaded on the piano by her as well, she has coloured with them and helped teach them to draw. She has enabled their addiction for kussi coo which is any fabric that is soft and cozy. Polar fleece and chenille are king at our house. ( I can just see their future girlfriends confusion when they get polar fleece pj's and chenille sweaters instead of lingrie) She is a very loving grandmother and it shows. This is one of my favourite pictures of Andrew. It shows happiness and joy...and who doesn't love a happy ending.

and then we were six

The End

"When I was One,I had just begun.

When I was Two,I was nearly new.

When I was Three, I was hardly me.

When I was Four, I was not much more.

When I was Five, I was just alive.

But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever,So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever."

AA Milne And then We were Six

Andrew Jan Edward was born just a little after midnight after some rapid pushing so they wouldn't give me C Section. He recognized Carp's voice right away and from that moment on I was done. he filled my heart and my soul in a way I never thought was possible. In the womb he was Maja...that didn't cut it so Andrew it was. We had tried for over five years to get pregnant and my appointment for the fertility clinic was on the Monday. The Friday prior I took a pregnancy test, it was positive. My blood tests results came back on Tuesday September 11th 2001... a day of unspeakable devastation for some but of bittersweet joy for me. Andrew is one of the funniest people I know, he loves to play pranks and plans them in detail, he loves to create things whether it be with crayons, lego or recyables, he is my hugger, kisser and sometimes my voice of reason on a bad day. He is an amazing big brother, considerate and loving cousin, a loyal and thoughtful friend. He is a definitely a boy from his massive Gaynor hands, to his solid build right down to his constantly moving feet. He is the best of Carp and I mixed into one. He is a spitting image of Carp when he was little, he has my heart which through all the hurt will become strong...he is an amazing boy and today can you believe it he is 6.

Flashback Friday

This picture is of myself and Kofi, a beautiful little boy from the village of Adame in Togo West Africa. He was the son of the weaving teacher at CRASE, a trade school which we, lived in for three months. He was one of the only children who didn't scream or cry out in fear or run away from the white skin of the Yovo's in our small goup of 12. He must have been about 7or 8 months and the name Kofi showed he would have been born on a Wednesday. This is my absolute favourite picture of myself...I was 20 I was in Africa, I wasn't anybody's daughter, I wasn't anybody's girlfriend, I wasn't party Caroline, I wasn't running from anything, I was just Caroline in a beautiful breathtaking place up in the mountains, no electricity, no running water. I believed there was good in all people and that I could save the world. I was also a girl who was extremely homesick and missing a boy named Carp. It was in this place that I began to realize how unSwedish I was, it went deeper than the roots of my hair and the colour of my eyes, it was the way I approached people while the Swedes in my class stood back, it was the way I understood the whole "tid i U-land" the time factor when you are in a developing country, it was how I naively believed that we were all the same. I began to I see that things were bigger than me and that I could do it on my own. It was a time I learned I don't know it all, I don't have it all and I don't want it all because that is not what brings you true happiness and joy.

Here are some more observations living in Kuma Dunyo for three months..

* I realized to that life isn't fair and isn't meant to be

* that class does matter, that you don't become and understand Africans their culture and their struggles in three months

* that I really don't have it in me to marry and become anybody's second wife

* no matter how much I promised I would eat and try everything a chicken head in my soup is my limit but a large rat isn't

* when everyone is drinking the beer with the blood in it you should to

* you can get drunk on Palm wine made from a tree especially when you have walked many miles and eaten only fruit in the hot sun

* some parts of the voodoo belief make sense and seem very very real

* that you can feed a large family on some pounded yams and sauce

* that being a moslem woman doesn't neccessarily mean that you are oppressed

* West African women are some of the most beautiful, resourceful, strong, incredible women I have had the honour of meeting

* a pineapple a jar of freshly roasted peaunts and a loaf of bread constitutes a meal

* do not cook your drinking water in the pot that you made fish sauce in the night before, if you are thirsty enough you will drink anything

* lemongrass doesn't take away the taste of fish

* your bathroom habits makes for interesting conversations and even a lovely poem

* you can survive eating stuff you shouldn't

* the mosquito net is your friend

* don't ever go barefoot

* ants can be horrible vicious creatures

* yes there are worse motel rooms but what do you expect for $8.00 a night

* No you will never see a more brilliant sky

* eat in the small hut, along with your group of 11 people, of a mother of 6 and truly understand the meaning of pride and making your food stretch and still taste delicious

* cockroaches are huge especially in the light of your oil lamp, especially when they are in your bed

* "just being with" the cockroach is better and less tiring than worrying about him

* there are very large snakes and yes you can hold it a very long time if it means going to pee in the dark or at first light espscially after the boys sighted one going down to the bathroom

* your dignity is left at the door of the bathroom

* yes you can shit that many times

* celebrating the dead instead of mourning them what a concept

* mosquitos and other creatures can make you very very sick

* bring your own help if you are needing medical attention or you will be very hungry

* education is something we truly take advantage of watch a 6 year old skipping to school with a big grin on her face knowing she has just walked 7 km's just to get there

* a bag of Hickory sticks, playgirl pictures and a Stephen king novel in english make a lovely gift for someone from Canada living with Swedes, living in Kuma Dunyo even if that is not something you would have ever purchased for yourself at home...(ok ok maybe the Playgirl)

* yes you can get dirtier and not care

* you can wash long hair and your body in one maybe two buckets of water carried from the cistern

* you need a very strong neck and coordination and a strong sense of balance to carry said buckets on your head to arrive to the shower area with any water left in the bucket

* flip flops make excellent fly swatters in the bathroom

* finding butter, ice, swedish cookies ( which were actually french) and a bottle of coconut rum in town can make you extremely excited and then wrack you with guilt after it has been consumed

* you can truly see hatred in someone's eyes

* the written word in the form of letters best thing ever

* I can survive without a phone

* distance can be good for the relationship and make the heart grow fonder

* a machete is not a good weapon to see after you have fought off someone trying to rob you

* if you want to see corruption at it's finest visit a police station,

* yes you can fit more people or livestock in that "taxi"

* best ever Sweet potato fries, spaghetti salad and fried dough balls

* I have never seen more smiles or contrasts, heard more joyful singing or laughter, smelled such sweet perfume and air, touched such smoothly carved and sanded wood carvings or tasted such freshness in fruit in any other place I have visited.

thanks for the flashback kids (ahh pre pregnancy body ... priceless)

You Know you are from Sweden when...

My Swedish background growing up was always a big part of my life. It is something i am very proud of but having lived there while I went to school my rose coloured glasses soon came off. The Swedish Canadians will get a good laugh from this the Swedes will just say that is not us...

You know you are from Sweden when…
* You go to IKEA for the food and not the furniture.
* Your kids are familiar wih Pippi, Pelle Svanlös, Barnen Hedenhös etc
* When Björn Borg played tennis everything stopped in your house so you could all watch it.
* You went to school with mesmor, Kalles kaviar and egg, leverpate and pickles sandwiches not PB and J
* When asked what language you speak you reply Swenglish
* Christmas Eve is the holy day and Christmas day you relax unless you are married to a Canadian
* You watch international curling to hear Swedish yelling
* There are feathers on branches in your home at Easter.
* Your first pair of shoes were clogs
* Your kids believe in tomten, Trolls and think nothing about straw goats at Christmas
* Dancing like a frog around a maypole is not necessarily done only when you are drunk.
* You don’t just say Skoal there is a ritual, consisting of staring people in the eyes acknowledging them and then drinking.
* You know two things Sober and Drunk
* Sitting naked sweating your ass off with your neighbours or family in a cedar filled room and then jumping into snow or a frozen lake is normal
* Snaps comes with a whole set of rules and songs
* Sill was one of the first foods you tasted
* Dill is constantly used in your recipes
* Just because you went to the fack school does not mean you learned to F..k there.
* You know someone who was in Thailand when the Tsunami hit
* When picking teams for the hockey pool the number of Swedes on the team does matter
* You know the words Du gamla du fria, Öppna landskap, and Sommaren är kort by heart
* It drives you crazy when people say you are from Switzerland
* Your cousins phone and complain about time off …what 6 weeks vacation isn’t enough for you?
* You should be blonde and blue eyed and know it.
* Your claim to fame ABBA, meatballs, Volvo, absolut, IKEA and the tetra pack
* Alan keys are a staple in your tool kit
* You didn’t drink juice you drank saft.
* A sandwhich should be open not closed
* Ficka is a ritual
* Midsommar is not just a national holiday.
* "When you tell people you're swedish they ask you when you recorded your first porno "
* You know many Swedes with the last name ending with son
* "After eating at a café/restaurant, you think it's completely normal to tidy your table, collect all your stuff onto a tray and carry it over a trolley so that the staff doesn't have to do it. "
* "You answer the phone by saying your first name."
* "You are always apologizing, even if you don´t know why. "
*" If you are a Swedish girl: every time you say where you are from guys get a silly little smirk on their faces and think that you are easy. "
* "You don't consider small, round fluffy things stacked over each other and served with syrup to be actual pancakes. Real pancakes are thin, taste better...are served with jam and sometimes whipped cream."
* You know the meaning of and utmost importance of a cheese slicer
* You love O’boy to pieces and know that there is no way the Nesquick powder can ever replace it.
* You insist that Swedish chocolate Cloetta Marabou is the best in the world, despite what the Belgians and the Swiss might say.
* You don't understand why Canadians might think you are a member of the KKK if you have a big cross on your front lawn covered in leaves for midsommar and then dress up with a white gown and cone on our head for Lucia day
* You have caught crayfish and gladly gone through al the work to eat them
* You feel that "kladdkaka" tastes better than normal chocolate cake and the best cake is "Princess Tårta"
* You ask a visitor from back home to to bring you Dam Tidning, Mesmor, Idomin Salva and “Herrgårdsost” and all those other everyday luxuries you miss.
* Having salad on your Pizza is not odd
* You don't think having an orange painted horse as a symbol of your country is odd
* You happen to come across a Swedish food product in your local supermarket and just HAVE to buy it because it's food from back home.
* You understand that for “V” and “W” is the same sound in Swedish
* "You consider a fast and audible intake of breath as a synonym to the word "yes".
* "The Danish think you understand Danish. Ultimatley, when spoken, you don't really understand Danish. You make fun of the Danish for speaking "Swedish with potatoes in their mouths".
* You have to explain the wonder that is "snus" .
* "You with great (albeit hidden) pride explain that in Swedish we call our grandparents MORMOR & MORFAR and FARMOR & FARFAR "
* You know the names of a multitude of IKEA items.You know how to pronounce these names
* "You don't think it's weird that a children's book talks about a penis measuring contest (snoppmätartävling) like in 'Berts dagbok'."
* You proudly state that the best Eurovision entry ever is "Waterloo" Abba was there any doubt. It still disturbs you that Carola singing Framling did not win the Eurovision Song Contest the first time around she participated, back in -83.
* You think that Sweden winning gold in any type of World Championships/Olympics requires celebrating
* You think nothing of people at home calling you a black skull because you have dark hair and watching you like a hawk in the stores because she must be an outsider
* You instinctively spot Swedes from a distance based on their blond looks and they're clothes and/or by the round pale mark in the pocket of their jeans (Snus) and you can tell what part of Sweden they are from by their dialect
* You have seen both your parents naked more than once
* You would never ever admit to anything on this list (since that would make you “too” Swedish)
* You unfourtunately realise that everything on this list is true.
* Growing up you might have believed that Sweden was some kind of fairy land with a perfect system until you took a good long look and realize how lucky you are to live in Canada

Thank you for the inspiration Caroline Pehrson

Pee and metal do not mix

I had some thought that this blog would provide me with a forum where I could sometimes give tips in raising boys seeing as that is what I have and that is what I know. This is my biggest tip yet. It has to do with the toilet...before I go much further you must understand my relationship with said toilet. A few years ago we were having problems with our old toilet clogging... after the umpteenth time unclogging the thing I decided in my infinite wisdom that I would change the toilet... Carp and I had had a disagreement the day before over something stupid so he wasn't talking much the next day. So off I went to Handley Lumber, for those of you who don't know the place just know it is owned by the Handleys, a big family in the area their mother is a saint having raised 4 sons who all work together though they are not always talking, it has a mill that has been running for I believe 3 generations and has lumber, obviously, but also has anything you need in regards to building a house. So there I was and I was obviously in a frame of mood that didn't need antagonizing. I went in and I saw Bill and he asked what I was working on this time ( a side note I am usually the one fixing things, not well, but at least fixing them with flair ) I looked in his eyes and I said "Bill do you think that I could replace my toilet, it needs replacing today and I think that I could do it, I dated a plumber once how hard could it be." I could tell he was unsure of how to handle this so he carefully picked his words. "Yes Caroline I think you could do it" and he proceeded to tell me what I needed how to drain the water and the tools I would need to do it and with the promise that I would phone him when I was done and he would come over and check it or send his son who was apprenticing to be a plumber. So off I went with my brand new toilet in tow...I cannot remember where my children were I am assuming they were well taken care of. I turned on my cd player I probably had Guns n Roses or ACDC cranked ( if I am getting down to business with a job its the hard stuff if is painting or dishes something like that it is ABBA or my Swedish music or possibly African we will save all that for another Blog) Carp knows by now if I have the hard stuff cranked enter softly and don't say anything. I do remember vaguely having some trouble removing the old toilet and a hammer coming and some bandaids because the pieces of ceramic can be sharpbut it was very exhilerating and I felt much better having released some of my tension on the old toilet which I then threw on the back deck. I proceeded to replace it which I did well though I had trouble with the ball thing in the tank it needed to be lowered and it just leaked a little where I didn't tighten it properly a towel on the floor fixed that for now. Bill came over and looked it over and said I did a good job, he tweaked a few things had trouble with the leak called his son who came later and fixed it. Carp came home didn't say a word as he went to the back yard to get wood I saw him glance on the deck at the old smashed toilet he quietly came in and looked at my handiwork flushed the toilet walked downstairs into the basement looked up at the ceiling to see if there was a gush of water and came up and said "I see you fixed the toilet." It is one of the things I am proudest of in the house. I put a beautiful dark chocolate seat on it that had brass nuts it was remarkable If I do say so myself. Well now reality hits, the seat needed changing I have tried changing it a number of times to no avail. Here comes the big finish the big tip ... when you have boys it is not a good idea to get a toilet seat with metal anything no matter how pretty, no matter how much it sets off the bathroom, pee and metal turn to rust, rust is extremely difficult to unscrew when it has gotten into the nut and screw, after a week of trying to unscrew this damn screw which was all that was left of the old seat, after I had ripped it off , I finally left it for a bit maybe it was the fumes from the WD40, or the idea that I was going to possibly smash my pride and Joy...but ten minutes later my amazing husband came out with the nut...I have never loved him more...well maybe. So now I look at my padded glaringly white toilet seat with plastic nuts and screws and I am filled with pride at our joint effort now if only I could pee in peace.

35mm vs Digital

Before you read the following Blog and believe I am living in the stone age know I do have a digital camera a Nikon D 40x which I have thoroughly enjoyed since receiving it for my birthday and Christmas present ( it sometimes pays to have a Decemeber Birthday). I love being able to take a ton of pictures send them to family and friends who live far away and then erasing them...but now as I get ready for my upcoming wedding season, I know my trusty 35mm camera's will be in their bag and ready to snap away...while my digital stays home. I do my weddings as a creative outlet it is not something I do because I have to it is something I do because I love it. The pictures I have taken are what I saw and was able to capture not recreate at home on my computer. I love that part of the challenge...and as I look at the pictures in my parents home, pictures from film cameras that have survived three or four generations I can' t help but wonder will the images that I capture of the bride and groom be in the homes of their great great grandchildren and if I had given them a disk of photoshopped images would they have survived in the same way or will they be in the a box of things like 8 tracks, beta tapes and the such. So here is m argument 35mm vs Digital

Digital versus 35 mm
Work done on a digital camera today could be unreadable by equipment in 50 years, think of the photographs of our ancestors which have survived 100 years a proven fact not a calculated probability.
Storage is another thing to think about, digital photos need a computer while prints need nothing for viewing.
Exposures of more than 30 seconds is not yet possible with the digital cameras.
Batteries.....need I say more?
The quality of the print is dependant on the size of the file saved.
Cost vs Quality Is the quality of the papers and the inks used to the standards that my lab offers in their developing? Doubt it.
Sometimes detail is more important than speed.
Colour control is still an issue what you see on the screen is not necessarily what you get.
Digital zoom vs optical zoom....digital you can go bigger but the image becomes more pixelly.
The magic is in what I have captured not what I have manipulated it to become something which never actually exist.
Using digital I feel I have lost my edge...I just keep snapping, I can just erase what I don't like I don't have to wait for that moment in the same manner.
Company's say memory cards can hold information for up to 100 years the same with certain printer paper...with technology as new as it is ...How do they really know?
In my opinion film and digital each have their strengths and weaknesses. Film does some things best while digital does other things best. Many people have both film and digital cameras, as do I. The bottom line is still the image. The rest is just tool selection. My Canon A I have been using for the last 20 years, it has survived the dry West African winter the wet humidity of Belize, the dry cold of Sweden and Norway. It still works in a pinch. I have not had to send it in for major work. I can take low light pictures, play with infra red film and work the light on my own terms. It's up to the photographer to choose the most appropriate tool for the application at hand. For me that is 35 mm. I have not met a bride yet who would rather be handed a disc with all her pictures and not an album. Film is dead? No, I don't think so. Personally I'll keep using it until I've reached the last frame on the last roll.

1 year ago today...

1 year ago today we had a memorial for a friend, a member of our family Tony Shone . I remember the place I was in last year at this time, it was a time of chaos, uncertainty in what the future would hold for members in my family, it was a time of bitter, unforgiving, questioning, anger, it was a time of not really understanding why some people are so incredibly selfish, incredibly callous and incredibly stupid. But it was also a time of joy...in the baby I was carrying and how much he gave me and others in the family hope, it was a time of things happening for a reason and not really understanding what that meant, it was a time for using the blackest of humour and letting laughter guide you through the craziest of circumstances and darkest of places, it was a time to learn the power of living in the moment and appreciate all we had admidst the chaos, now I see it was a time for realizing the importance of patience, forgiveness ( but not forgetting), letting things go that don't really matter and no matter how much people try to take from you their is much they never can take away unless you let them...like your dignity, your pride, your joy and your power to change things in a positive way. So as I sit here making plans for my amazing sister in laws wedding to an equally amazing man, whom I believe was sent by Tony, I revel in the idea of how things can change so drastically...if you let them. So in memory of an equally good man I will share what I read at his memorial a year ago today...knowing he would be happy at where we are today as a family.

I am not going to stand here and try to understand and decipher family dynamics, the complexity of relationships, how people grieve or how death can make people do strange things and I am definetely not going to even begin to try to comprehend why some people are put on the journeys that they are. We are here to begin to heal, to remember Tony, the person he was to each one of us and to give his life however short the dignity it deserves.
I was having trouble knowing what to write because I know that Tony wouldn't want any of this and I still can't believe he is gone. But there are a few things that need to be said about Tony Shone. This is a part of what I know. I didn't know him very long only the past 7 years or so. When Heather told us she had met someone I became instantly leary but I can honestly say that from the moment that I met Tony I liked him, he was that kind of guy. They were very different in every sense of the word but I think from the moment Heather and Tony got together they actually found true happiness, mutual respect and a true partner something neither one of them had found and something both of them had been searching for, for a long long time. Tony absolutely adored Heather they were the quintissential team, she wasn't just something he liked having around in a bikini, but of course knowing Tony that didn't hurt, but he truly loved Heather for who she was and she loved Tony in the same way. After Heather had her last accident 3 years ago he was there for her and helped her in every way he could. Over the past year Tony had started his own business which Heather was very much a part of. They were working on renovations in both places together, the place in town where the boys and Samantha had stayed for a time, was being painted, rooms were changed and the floors stained and varathaned. While the home at Fell's point was in the midst of big changes as well, walls were coming down, the exterior work, the gardens were magnificent, the kitchen was coming along and oh that beautiful orange shag carpet ... the future was bright.
Whenever we would see Samantha sparks of Tony could be seen in her. His ear for music, her fearlessness in being different, her thirst for knowledge not just going with what someone says, her enjoyment of books, her love for animals I hope these and other qualities of Tony's continue to grow as she matures and stands on her own two feet and embarks on her own journey.
As a member of the Carpenter family Tony was the go to guy. Any questions about cars, the newest gadgets, tattoos anything blessed to carry an engine it was a short call to Tony. New designs, games, the internet, ebay, music, electronics, business, small home repair, finding out what certain individuals were doing when they should have been home Tony was your guy. Tony enjoyed the better things in life. When it came to renovations at their home on Fell's point, he took great pride in the stainless steel the black marble they had chosen for the kitchen, the steel roof and the tinted windows. He loved his motors, the jaguars that he would fix up, the motorcycles, the roadmaster, the dump truck, the boat. He would buy them, of course always a good deal and would fix them up usually with his friends nearby and always with his own genius and creativity.
He was a procrastinator yes, but when he got a job done it was a piece of art and it was noticed whether it was the sound of the motor, the volume in the speakers, the clarity of the sound, the finest detail of the tattoos on his back, and when it came to colour it was never dull or boring...it was all definitely noticed.
Our family is forever changed by these events as everyone here is. Some of the things that I have learned and some old lessons have definitely been deepened since the accident. One of them is things rarely go as planned, in a crisis as a family you either implode or just move forward as a team supporting each other along the way, one incident can be a catalyst for so many things to different people, how we react does not just effect ourselves but it can create a ripple effect, the most important lesson, no matter how bad it gets, we always have a choice. Do we choose to become stronger or weaker, do you focus on what could have been, what we believe is fair and what isn't or do you work through it and move on moment by moment, do you focus on the important things and fight for those or do you just react because of anger or grief and wallow, do you forgive and move on, do you focus on the material things or what you gave to each other the things no one can ever take away...no matter how deep the grief or crazy the circumstances we always have a choice.
Our family dinners will never be the same as we just saw on Easter Sunday, there are things we will miss...seeing Samantha as often as we used to,Tony's laugh, his buddha belly after dinner, but he always had room for pie, Cory and Tony settling down for a nap after Jean's legendary turkey, his full head of hair... he definitely wasn't a Carpenter in that aspect, our impromptu get togethers out at Tony's and Heather's in the summer with everyone welcome boats, food, dogs, kids their place was a salvation and escape when times got tough, he was great to have in your corner and told you like it was whether you wanted to hear it or not, he wasn't the kind to sugarcoat things or worry about hurting your feelings he called it as he saw it, he loved to discuss things he wanted to get to the root of your belief, he didn't care what people thought of him he was who he was take it or leave it, he wasn't perfect none of us are but he was a good man and that shows in the people here today, his family and his closest friends. Tony always challenged me in life and in a strange way he is still challenging me in death... boy is he ever.
Thank you my friend you will be missed.
(I always like to end with a quote.
This quote was written by Charlie Daniels on his way to his friend Steve Van Zant's Funeral I felt it rang true about Tony
A brief candle; forever burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.)

Thanks for the help

Thanks to all who have emailed me with places I can get glass bottles I am now the proud owner of two glass baby bottles, 3 stainless steel sippy cups ( which I now have found out might cause Alzheimers so now if I am not killing my children they will forget all that I have done to keep them safe) eco friendly dish soap, cleaner, toilet and drain stuff all of which I found in Bobcaygeon. After being on some of these eco sites for kids with organic this and non that, I am surprised my children have survived at all not only with me as their mamma not to mention the dangers in this world hell I am surprised that we are all still alive and then I laughed at another study stating that there is a rise in teenage drug use because we are keeping our kids so safe they are using drugs to get the adrenaline rush.... so now I am off to find if I can take the boys Bungee jumping or hang gliding or white water rafting down the Burnt River this summer while I am on mat leave that should do it...actually I shouldn't worry they should get enough of an adrenaline rush getting around this maze called my living room.

Crazy Eights

You know those quizzes that you get emailed and then you send them back so the person that sent you it gets to know you better.....this is kind of like that but you don't have to do anything Thanks for the idea Kelly of http://www.donmillsdiva.blogspot.com/

Eight things I am passionate about:

My family

My friends ( that covers everyone in a nutshell)

my work the people at my work

learning new things

my photography,

my writing

palliative care

Calling people on their bullshit


Eight things I learned this past year:

Sometimes you just can't keep your mouth shut

I am only one woman

Marriage and raising a family is constant work even after 13 years

Sometimes life just isn't fair end of story

Yes we can get more snow

I really am allergic to alcohol (this isn't a laughing matter)

I really don't want to hear the excuses sometimes people are just assholes

sometimes all you got to do is move on

Eight things I say often:

You are going to drive me to drink

F*@#

F*@# Maximus

I am going to say goodbye one of Mamma's friends ( for the umpteenth time as I head to the funeral home)

Pain in the butt Carpenter Kid ( in a loving laughing tone)

I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much

Grow a Penis you lose your eyes (Andrew gets very upset with this one and likes to remind me that when he actually does find something that even with a penis he can see)

Eight words to Live by

Love

ownership ( take ownership for your mistakes and learn from them)

forgiveness ( oh it feels so good )

Honesty ( to yourself)

Njut ( swedish word take it in )

Challenge (don't be afraid)

Balls ( everyone has got them grab them and use them especially when it comes to standing up for what you believe in or heaven forbid yourself)

Loyalty

Eight things for the Bucket List

Visit and see Orangutangs in Borneo with Birute

Speak french eloquently

go to Iceland and photograph the landscape and people's hands

Take my whole family to sweden for Swedish midsommar

Write and actually publish a childrens book

Still be married to Brian and still actually want to be

Carp and I to go to Tanzania and photograph from a hotair balloon, the Kilimanjaro and the mara mara

Do a tandem Parachute flight


Eight things I wish I knew at 18

Sieze the opportunities you get

No that guy isn't maybe like that because of his upbringing maybe he is just an asshole

Don't care so much what people think

Neon anything isn't exactly attractive neither is drinking till you puke

No you aren't fat

No the guys aren't like your cousins, they are really looking at your breasts and buying you drinks for other reasons than just being nice

Take more pictures

Njut



Eight people I admire

Rick Mercer
Heather my sister-in-law
my parents
Single mothers
Birute Galdikas
Steve
Jane Goodall
Kim Phuc

Eight Things I miss

My sanity
Faster Bojan
Sweden
My energy
My waist
Being able to drink responsibly
Dorothy
A minute to breathe

Caroline's rant The plastic has got my baby...

You want to know what pisses me off...well don't get me started... but today it is the toxic plastic debate. We are becoming generation guilt, guilt to go back to work or not to go back to work, guilt that our landfills are filling up, guilt we are feeding our children food that is grown using pesticides and crap I cannot pronounce just so the fruit looks pretty and blemish free, guilt over medications and vaccines, guilt that our children are in danger of becoming obese, guilt over which tv programs they should watch if any, which games they should play, guilt whether or not we correct them in their spelling, writing and reading, guilt whether we are putting them in any activities too many or too little, whether the kids have manners, are politically correct and have confidence to stand up without getting into a fight, guilt over whether we watch and know what our kids are doing or not doing enough, guilt over whether we are teaching our boys that it is okay to cry and our girls to be tough, guilt over breastfeeding, laying the baby on their stomach to sleep, letting them cry not letting them cry, sleeping with us or on their own and now I am F*#@ing killing him with the very vessel he gets most of his sustenance from. Living in rural Ontario I don't seem to be able to find any glass bottles so the search continues onto the internet as if I need something else to look up but if I don't there goes Mother of the year again and I had just regained the crown after the Grubby fiasco. Mamma and pappa asked what I wanted from Paris as they left today I told them glass baby bottles in the meantime I am going to ask the Mennonites outside of town if they have one I can have.

Mamma's Birthday

There are few women in this world more beautiful than Mamma...my mamma. The relationship I have with my mother is probably no different than that of other mothers and daughters. It is mamma or Elmo's ( as the boys call her) birthday on the 17th of April. I have the speech I wrote for her on her 65th that I thought I would share here that is until I find something else to add...


This has been a strange,emotional and busy week and as I chaotically rushed around last minute...it's when I do my best work dad...
It has been a week where I struggled to try to keep things perfect and meaningful maybe I set the bar to high but the last couple of days I really struggled to find something I could say about mamma because I don't feel that there is anything that would suffice that could possibly bring the adoration and admiration that I have for her to words.
If I am half the mother that my mother is to me I know my boys will be well taken cared of, I have been fortunate to have so many more resources that my mom had raising us and I give thanks each and every day for that. Andrew, David and soon Baby E are so so very lucky that they are surrounded by as much family as they are that they are loved and nurtured by the same people who loved and nurtured their parents and did a pretty good job if I may say so myself.
The lessons mamma has taught me and the gifts I have been given over the years and even still are immeasurable and have helped create the person, the mother, the friend, the wife, the caregiver I am today... not perfect by any means... god would that be boring, but I sure keep life exciting Carp can certainly vouch for that.
These are some of the lessons that I have learned.
Life isn't fair but don't let it bring you down.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
If you have a problem you can always find a book to fix it.
Cook and they will come...and eat.
Family is what you make it.
Meeting people at the post office isn't always the best place to find people for your midsommar parties.
Midsommar isn't just a special day it is an experience.
A hug can cure just about anything.
You never stop being a mother.
Mamma always knows best or at least thinks she does.
Sometimes it is best not to argue with mamma just nod your head and smile.
Sophia Loren has nothing on mamma.
Let the music take over.
A mother's strength whether it be physical, mental or emotional is one of the most powerful elements found on earth.
When it comes to friendship and family distance doesn't matter that is what phones are for.
A marriage is hard work.
If someone is an asshole it probably has to do with something that happened in their childhood and they are probably misunderstood but we have found out that sometimes they are just an asshole.
It isn't the destination it is the journey which is significant.
The most important thing in the end is family everything else is secondary.
Do not hang curtains up with your mother when she is being stubborn.
IKEA is not just furniture it is herring, shrimp, crayfish, morfar's brannvin ost, knackebrod and caviar.
Food always taste better at Elmo's house.
If there are problems there are always the angels...funny thing mamma doesn't know she is one of them.

Love you and like you mamma Har det Aran. Kram Caroline

Grubby's return

This is the day he comes home... a day of momumental concern....for a four year old. He is David's beloved Grubby. I don't remember where Grubby came from I believe he was grabbed in Walmart by Andrew for David when David was a baby...on one of the rare occassions we were in Walmart, I do mean rare it isn't a place we go to very often. In David's own words Grubby is his Bestest bestest friend and bestest bestest stuffy. Grubbyis named appropriately after his appearance which is now well loved yellow, he had a face once a long time ago he reminded me of Hello Kitty, now he is covered in holes but sits comfortably on David's head. How I could have been so calous in forgetting him at the hotel in Niagara last weekend? I don't know. No sleep be damned, relying not on myself totally to go over the room, trying to pack for three boys and 1 grown man plus myself plus make it to said grown mans game on time, what was I thinking...all is saved tonight when Auntie Header and Uncle Richard and cousin Maverick show up with Grubby in tow all will be well in this world ... for a 4 year old named David and his bestest bestest friend.

What I have learned from my children

Each of my boys came in different times of my life and with each pregnancy, birth and joy in watching them grow I learned something new.

Andrew taught me that with patience comes great joy, be open to the journey even though the path may not take you where you thought you would go, plan and think you know it all but it usually gets shot to hell in the end, the nurses and the anesthisiologist are your best friends and deserve your utmost respect, never eat banana popsicles during labour, dignity be damned, baby's are very bendy, slippery and very resilient, not drinking or smoking for all that time not so bad, baby's hear daddy's voice in the womb, babies don't hold it against you if you tell them to F off because they have been up three nights in a row, your baby is the most brilliant, strongest, handsomest child you have ever seen, the day will come when they tell you what you are doing wrong and they are right, Rescue Heroes rock, the motto Grandma's house Grandmas' rules stops alot of fights and hurt feelings, let your husband do stuff...does it really matter if the baby's ears aren't washed every time he has a bath, a baby has never died from crying, don't jump everytime he falls because you will never sit again, breastfeeding is a choice...your choice, formula can be helpful and thank god for it, you know your baby's best, when you get advice nod your head and smile take what you want ignore the rest, never wake a sleeping baby inless you really really have to, let them be a kid, manners never hurt, their heads are very hard....did I mention they are resilient, if he has survived me as a mother relatively unscathed anyone can do this.

David with his early arrival taught me even I am not invincible, he taught me the need to breathe, how amazing and deceiving running on adrenalin really is, being delusional can be a good thing while on the hunt for supplies, if water is "pouring" out of you you aren't just peeing, dark blue jersey outfits and long coats cover many evils, if you almost tell a resident to F off it is time to go on Maternity leave, it is amazing what strength and resilience mothers have, you are always your mothers daughter, Boys Rock, standing up to the doctor isn't bad especially when said doctor is an idiot, nurses and epidurals are the greatest, never say just push a little, it is amazing the people you meet and the connections you have make all the difference, while in labour your co workers voice is not one you want to hear on the phone especially if he is male, the NICU is humbling we are so blessed to have the amazing hospitals we have in such close proximity, the intense relationships you create in a crisis are so important in the moment admidst the chaos and then are gone as fast as they came, in the womb baby hears the voices of those residents you argue with the most, your body can only take so much, even if you have video copy of your mother saying "Oh No " when they announce its a boy she doesn't really mean it, there is better shopping in Newmarket than Peterborough if you have a choice in where they are sending your baby, pumping is good for the soul and oh so attractive as you are sitting on the couch watching the news, Power Rangers rule, if you fell you are dying and the pain is worse than childbirth especially when the pain of childbirth is very recent it is a gallbladder attack get it the hell out, learn to sit and laugh sometimes, never ever leave "Grubby" in Niagara falls, he may be small but he is mighty and quick.

Erik taught me about surprises, that serenity can be found amongst the chaos, baby's can bring joy and hope even in the midst of tragedy, how joyful being a mother is, that there are certain women who are put on this earth to raise amazing, respectful men, I can always borrow a girl and give her back, boys can love and show affection just as much as girls can, Playgroup saves lives and sanity, having boys in the house makes you immune to noise, mud, insects and man you can catch anything, Erik taught me that no matter what size I am... I am beautiful, a baby's laughter makes all the bad stuff go away, sleep is so over rated, sleep deprivation makes you extremely funny and creative, people who see you with your troop of boys give very sympathetic looks, Erik taught me about appreciating the small things, I am only one woman, what my house looks like does not reflect me as a mother, a little dirt and dust is good for the immune system, do not feed salmon or raw tomatoes to a 6 month old, even after the first two boys there are things you forget in regards to babies, each child is unique and amazing in their own way, you never run out of love, you always run out of food, the "magic bullet" can be your best friend when blending food for the baby, oh yes and soothers can also be your best friend, brothers are there for each other till the end there will come a time when each other is all you got.

As a mother I am so blessed with my boys.... a little crazy but blessed. I feel complete I do not feel I have missed out by not having a girl and I wish to hell people would stop thinking that it is somewhat negative that I don't have a girl. I have 2 amazing neices I look forward to sharing my wisdom with but I also have 5 nephews who I adore and respect. Raising your children is the most amazing journey anybody can partake in and boy am I ready for the ride.

Stay at home or go out to work

I am admittedly a better part time mamma then a full time mamma. I doesn't make me a bad person, it doesn't make me a better or worse mamma it is just what works for me. I truly admire the mamma who can stay home with their kids, keep things fresh, actually enjoy it and keep it somewhat together. I am not that woman. This is the first time I am taking a full year off and I am enjoying it, revelling in it, taking full advantage of it...knowing that I will be going back to work at the end of the summer. With Andrew I wasn't able to get maternity leave, I was blessed to live near both sets of grandparents, so I went back to work for the summer and then in the fall I was off for a bit then in November my husband said that if I needed to find a job or we would be in trouble financially, well I lived in Fenelon Falls, a seasonal tourist town, I had no car, it was November, I had a baby... I had been doing work, since I was 18, with senior's in their homes and at the time had part of my credentials as a Personal Support Worker, so a fairly new Long Term Care centre was hiring, I had nothing to lose I went in and told the Director of Care, who was a bit younger than me, that he was more than welcome to hire some young chippie fresh out of school who knew things by the book, instead of me but I had the experience, I was desperate, going out on a Saturday night wasn't an issue and he would be calling me back in a few months anyways when the other didn't work out. I loved working the floor but I knew my forte was in the program office creating with and for the residents. Then David happened he came 7 weeks early I was off for 7 months, a job opportunity in the program department came and I took it. When I took the job I didn't realize that I would partake in the department's fertility autumn baby program . So then there were three. Fortunately I work part time. And my place of work has become a part of our family's life. Even while the kids are in day care or at school visits to my work are frequent and enjoyed by all. Christmas morning is spent with the whole family helping to give out the resident's gifts, that family has brought in, there are parties, and there are always good treats to be found. My job is important to me, the work I do is enjoyable and important, it allows me to get my creative juices flowing, gives me a place to brag about my family and top be me not somebody's mom, not somebody's daughter, not somebody's wife but just me. Family is extremely important I guess growing up in an immigrant family where my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins was overseas I slowly realized it wasn't the amount of time that I spent with them it was how I spent it with them. I have very signigficant relationships with my family overseas, distance and time away doesn't necessarily carry a negative undertone it can make an appreciation... in the time you have with each other and the memories you create with that time and the other things you do to stay connected. When I come home from work and I am with my kids I enjoy them and revel in them I am excited to hear about their day and ready to face the crazy hours just before bed with a little more humour. To each there own but as they say Happy mamma happy home.

Virgin blogger

So what does one do at the beginning of ones epic voyage into blogdom...as a virgin blogger I think I just wanted somewhere to write, a quiet place that was all my own...really truly my own, being a mother of three boys, married to my husband of 12 or is it now 13 years and one very large male cane corso dog my mamma calls the calf with only my cat to add her estrogen to my lair...being alone is something captured in a few fleeting moments of a very full day. I feel my mind overflowing with things to write about , being part of this so called sandwich generation, looking for my mother...who was never really lost losing mother of the year once again and then regaining the title quite quickly, my baby's culinary adventures, my children surviving me as their mother, watching my past come back and bite me in the ass, staying with film in a digital world...I hear the groans already, working with senior's, getting off the fence, getting back on the fence whether it is working part time, not really taking a stand seeing all sides of the story...blah blah blah so here begins my forray into blogdom hope I don't step on too many toes oooooh but where is the fun in that