Damn it I am going to miss him

The appointment is set for noon Saturday...it is weird you know this must what it is like for a scheduled C section but sadder. Knowing that things are going to chnage after that day and there is no going back. Knowing that around 12:30 it will be done, your emotions are going to be out of whack, there will be tears and dealing with the fallout from the boys and Carp. I look at Maxi as he limps along and I know that this is the best decision but it breaks my heart that this gentle soul whom Erik sings to in the morning, Erik crawls all over and lays with before bed at night, who watches the boys as they play, visits the neighbours on his own and steals Ricki's raw hide bones, this beast of a dog I have called every name in the book, who follows me and gets under foot or in his case under ass is actually going to be gone. David and Andrew are going with us a decision the boys made...David has informed me that he won't miss Max because he will go to heaven and we will see him again some day and he will have Maddy to play with... but I did overhear them talking tonight and David did say that he will miss him. I think the hardest part is knowing that you are ultimately making a decision that is taking the life of something...even though you know in your heart and head that it is the right decison does not in the least make it any easier. So as I sit and type, through wet eyes, with Maxi's big head on my lap and his eyes staring up at me...I hope he knows that no matter how much I called him f*@#ing Maximus it was out of love and I want to Thank him.
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~Roger Caras