My lessons from death.

I am involved with our palliative team at Fenelon Court. One of the things I help prepare is the memorial service. This is an excerpt from my "Sermon"



We are here today to remember 7 remarkable people, 7 people who’s lives were very different before Fenelon Court became a part of their lives. One of these residents may have been a teacher by fate but all of these residents taught us lessons about life. It has been a heavy few months we just had our last memorial service at the beginning of March where we remembered 10 of our residents and now here we are again and it is only May. It is times like these that the jobs we do become difficult. The people here who call Fenelon Court their home are near and dear to our hearts. We are a small home with only 67 residents and we all know each other. Each death affects us all whether we are staff, resident or family or friend.

I have the honour of working with residents and families who are dealing with death as a member of our palliative team and it has been the most rewarding, the most challenging, the most emotional and oddly enough the greatest gift. A gift might be a strange way of describing death but for me I have learned so much from death…that it can only be described as a gift, a gift of the greatest lessons. I would like to share some of them today.


I’ve learned that Life is precious and unpredictable.
I’ve learned that family is as family is.
I have learned that we need to Love one another, respect one another, accept one another especially when we find it hardest.
I have learned that it is the creation of memories and the building of traditions that brings us longing at some points and comfort at others.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see totally different things.
I’ve learned that we never stop being a student.
I’ve learned that Death ends a life not the relationship.
I’ve learned that Death is not something you get over, there is no calendar you can follow with grief…so many months so many years it doesn’t work like that. The pain just gets a little duller over time but it is always there.
I have learned that one of the most difficult things in life is figuring out when to hang on and when to let go.
I’ve learned that everyone matters to someone.
I’ve learned that Death can bring out the best in people and the worst in people.
I’ve learned that life is full of contradictions.
Life is a mystery. Death is an even bigger mystery.
I’ve learned that the past can come back and bite you in the behind or kiss you on the cheek.
I’ve learned that we all need to learn to forgive ourselves and other’s a little more.
I’ve learned that no matter how much you are hurting the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that one day it will be too late…too late to say the things you should say and too late to do the things you should do so don’t assume it is too late to do them right now.
I’ve learned that every journey is different and it doesn’t get any easier.

I know in my heart that when I stop shedding tears it will be time to stop doing this work. I know one of the greatest fears when we face death it is the fear of our loved ones being forgotten. The people we are remembering today will not be forgotten they will be remembered in the stories and the memories we share here today, and in our laughter, tears and hearts as we return to their stories in the years to come.