A rainbow, a stray and a feather

When we are faced with death we sometimes search for signs. Signs which give us closure, signs which validate decisions we made for our loved ones, signs to ensure that they are ok and in essence that somehow we are going to be ok. The decision to put Maximus to sleep was one of the hardest I have ever had to make and I say I because it was ultimately my decision. He was young only 2 but the more and more time that passed after the decision had been made I knew deep in my broken heart it was the right decision. My sons have done amazingly well with the whole thing, of course a mother working in a senior's home and dealing with Palliative care does allow for very interesting conversations in the Carpenter household. I tend to be a very open and honest person and when dealing with my sons and the topic of death and this journey has been no different. There have been tears and there have been laughs as we have remembered what this horse of a dog brought into our lives. The time as a young "puppy", a term used very loosely because size wise I wouldn't exactly use puppy as a term to describe him, when he bounded into the neighbours kitchen and started chasing their dog Ricki around the house while they quietly ate breakfast. Thank god they were dog people. The times he would sit on the couch his butt on the cushions and sit while we watched tv. The times he would sit aloof as Erik used him as jungle gym crawling over him and jumping on him.
Carp and I took him to Coby to have him put down and we sat and laid with him as he peacefully went to sleep no longer in pain. And so the signs began. Later that night I went out on the front step and saw the biggest rainbow in the sky, Andrew and I looked at it for a while and we felt it was Maximus telling us that he was ok. the next morning as I was doing dishes I looked out on the back deck and there was a litlle black scraggly stray dog that looked like grandma and poppa's dog Cocoa which had been put down a few years ago. We fed him and he dissappeared. David said "I think Max showed him the way here because he knew we had food." My mom, Elmo to my boys,had just returned from new York where she had stayed at her best friend's apartment. Gittan's husband Steve died a few years ago after battling cancer. Gittan has a whole vase filled with feather's that she has found while thinking of Steve or in a predicament and it has brought her comfort and she she feels Steve's prescence. Monday we were ready for school in record time arare occurence in our house so we decided to go see Elmo. The boys raided her cookie supply and then went outside to play as mom and I went out to the front lawn we both looked and there on the front lawn was a big black crow's feather. Mom and I laughed out loud and I pictured Maximus among some new found friends.
Oh yes it might be coincidence, but for us it brings peace in our hearts knowing that he is ok and with us and what is wrong with that.